I have always been able to find the good in people but if I am honest and I promised you to always be honest, I am currently going through a situation and I can’t find the good in any of it. Letting go of anger seems so taboo to me at this season in my life.
As I write this I am not even sure whether I will post it and share publicly. I post a lot of political stuff on social media mostly my own opinions and I know I shouldn’t do that.
When you feel like the other side is getting to tell their side you kind of feel obligated to stand up for your side. That is how I felt in court this past week.
Other than sharing my political and patriotic views I like to think of myself as quiet and reserved. I don’t share my entire life on social media. Yes, I probably share a little more at times than I should but I think we all go through that at some point.
There are things you just shouldn’t tell the world. And there are things that could help others in the world. That is why I am debating sharing this post publicly.
I am going through something rather personal yet at the same time I kind of feel alone and to be honest terrified and very angry!
My husband has been by my side through this entire episode but I still somehow feel so alone. How is that even possible?
God is right here beside me too. Yet I feel defeated.
Could it be the anger that is brewing inside of me that the devil is using to make me feel this way?
Whatever it is, letting go of anger is surely not my top priority. Not at this moment anyway.
Angry With Or Angry At
Where is my anger stirring from? Am I angry with or angry at? I believe I am both angry with and angry at.
To be angry with means you are angry with someone. To be angry at means you are angry with a situation. I am both and I believe that is why this anger inside of me is making me feel so defeated.
Without going into details my ex, my son’s father, has decided to take me to court for visitation, which I stopped for personal reasons a year ago. While we were there he threatened to sue me for full custody which I currently have.
I will be honest when he said that, my head exploded! If looks could kill, well I am sure you get the point. The anger that a rose inside of me that day was an anger I never experienced before.
That same anger has been kindling since. It just seems to keep adding fuel to the flame. And I feel so out of control. Letting go of anger isn’t something that is possible. At least not right now.
The thing is I know that he has to prove me unfit which he will not be able to do. I am a very good mother.
I love my children dearly. Sometimes I may be a little too overprotective but that isn’t always a bad thing, especially in the world we live in.
Some call me old fashion because of my parenting. I believe children should not interrupt adult conversations and there are movies and music that they shouldn’t be allowed to listen to.
Does that make me a bad parent? For wanting the absolute best for my children.
Is controlling anger possible? According to the Bible it is. Anger is a choice that we have to choose to walk away from.
So how are we supposed to walk away from anger in my situation? Well I would fibbing if I said I didn’t know the answer to that.
The answer lays in Proverbs 37:8 –
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
I can’t even begin to tell you how true this is. I have had thoughts that I would have never had before. Thoughts that aren’t even my thoughts. They are evil thoughts.
The thing is, this is exactly how bad things begin. People become angry and they choose not to do anything about the anger and it just continues to fuel the fire inside of them until one day that fire is so big and so out of control that evil takes over.
Ephesians 4:31 says –
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
So how do we “get rid” of anger? We start by forgiving our trespassers.
Related Post: Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?
I know in my heart and my mind controlling anger is possible. I just have to make the choice to do so. And right now I don’t want to.
Cameron Normand has a great post on Choosing Love: How To Manage Anger In A Blended Family ←— click to read
I don’t believe God expects us to instantly forgive or forget. So why on earth would we think He expects us to instantly let go of anger?
Letting go of anger takes time. Yes it is a choice we have to make but it is also a working process. It may take me weeks and someone else a year.
However long letting go of anger takes we should always do our best to work towards the goal of letting of go, regardless of the situation.
My situation for example will hopefully be resolved by allowing an attorney to take over. That way I can express to my attorney what I want and expect.
The attorney can then communicate with my ex and the judge on my behalf.
The funny thing is, and I’m being sarcastic when I say funny, I prayed about this before going to court.
I am pretty positive God told me NOT to go to court without an attorney and I did so anyway. You see when we opt for our own way and not God’s way we are only setting ourselves up for failure.
Then who do we have to blame? Not God and not the other party involved either. “Do you know I just typed that and felt like God just typed those words?” Why on earth would I type such a thing!
I get not being angry with God but not blaming the other party either? Really? I mean, now that I am thinking about it, it is very much a smack in the face!
I prayed about the situation before going to court. I felt as if God was leading me to hire an attorney. Yet I took it upon myself to go to court without an attorney already knowing my ex was going to tick me off.
The man just gets under my skin. Mostly because I allow it. Being a Christian doesn’t mean we get along with everyone. Or no one ever gets on our nerves. We do however need to face these issues and do our best control them.
You see I brought this anger on myself. It could have easily been avoided. Yes my ex probably would have put up a fight still but he wouldn’t have had much to stand on. And I wouldn’t have been angry at the judge for telling me to be quiet so many times.
When I get upset or distraught it is hard for me to get my words out. I always end up saying things I didn’t mean to say or things I wanted to say don’t ever make it to my tongue.
Again God had this from the beginning but I took it upon myself as I usually do. If we learn to trust God from the very beginning things can turn out so much different.
This world has so much unnecessary anger in it. All we have to do is turn to God and then and only then letting go of anger will possible.