Should I divorce seems to be a question many Christians struggle with. As Christians we are taught that divorce is bad and we should never divorce once one we are married. However, we are left wondering is divorce a sin?
As a twice divorced Christian myself, this was something that I had a hard time with. I felt like such a failure.
When I turned to my church for help during my second marriage I am sure you already know what was suggested.
Once again I felt like a complete failure. Here I was married to a non-Christian man who was verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to his children yet I was expected to stay in the marriage?
How could that be? That just didn’t sit well in my heart.
First off marrying him was a huge mistake from the beginning and I knew that and even admitted it.
Yet I felt like I already paid the consequences but here I was expected to stay in a verbally abusive marriage to a man I hated.
Hate is such a harsh word, I know. Growing up, the word “hate” was not allowed to be used in our house.
It takes a lot to make me not like you. Many will tell you I am a very forgiving person. Although I may let go of grudges I sometimes have a hard time forgetting them.
In this case I had a hard time letting go of the hate that burned so deep into my heart. Staying married to a man I did NOT love was destroying me.
When Is Divorce Okay In The Bible
So, is divorce a sin? Well if it is then I have sinned twice and I know many other Christians who have as well.
In the Bible there are multiple verses about divorce. However, I feel like when these scriptures were written it was a time when women had no rights.
It was a time when women were basically slaves to their husbands. Not in that context but I am sure you understand what I am trying to say.
It was a very different time when scripture was written and the times we live in today.
In Matthew 5:31-32 the Bible says a man should not divorce his wife unless it is due to sexual immorality.
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
So does the same stand for women? Like I said it is such a different time than when scripture was written.
Honestly, I feel in my heart God wanted me to divorce that man, my second husband. I just don’t see our God, a mighty God, a loving God, expecting us to stay in a relationship that is not stable.
When it was suggested that I stay and try to make things work I did just that. Only to made a fool of by my then husband.
In fact it wasn’t long after we married that I had inklings of him cheating. When I got pregnant with our son I found out he had given me gonorrhea and trichomoniasis.
Yet I stayed and tried to work through the marriage.
He would often say things to me like “We are unequally yoked.”
He would expect me to do sexual things that I was very uncomfortable with. And it was nothing for him to accuse me of cheating on him which I never did or would have.
When it came time for the divorce it was the last straw for me.
We are all human after all and there is only so much we can take before we break. And I was on my breaking point.
I knew in my heart if I didn’t get out of that marriage it would forever destroy me and any relationships I had, including my relationship with God.
1 Corinthians 7:12-13 says the following:
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
As a Christian I often feel like the Bible can be conflicting. Don’t do this but you can do that if…
Don’t get me wrong I love God with all my heart. And yes I do believe everything the Bible says.
Do I follow the Bible to a T? No, but who does?
Here I was a Christian woman married to a non-Christian man who didn’t want to live with me. Yet I was expected to stay in an abusive marriage? Even though he clearly wanted out.
If he didn’t he would have never cheated, right?
Was my divorce okay? Was it a sin? I don’t believe it was a sin and I believe with all my heart God did not want me in that marriage.
RELATED POST: Christians And Divorce – A Twice Divorced Christian
Strength For The Christian Woman After Divorce
For whatever reason you are facing divorce or are divorced, know that God loves you. He loves you the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
God knows that we all make mistakes. After-all He created us.
It just so happens that some of us make more mistakes than others. Like myself with two failed marriages.
It took me a long time to understand that God didn’t love me any differently.
Is divorce a sin? I think it can be if you marry for the wrong reasons or divorce for the wrong reasons.
However, we fall short of the glory of God on a daily basis. He isn’t going to condemn us to hell because we divorced our husband or wife, especially if it was for good reason.