Okay I know this is one of those topics that moms everywhere are going to fight over. Frankly, I don’t care. There I said it. I don’t care. In this post I am going to share why I spank my child and why I think you should too.
As kids we changed our clothes when we came home from school and we ate whatever was made for dinner. In some cases we went to bed hungry because our parents didn’t believe in making everyone happy.
Roaming the woods looking for new adventures that awaited our little imaginations was a favorite past time for many, like myself.
We played in the road until the street lights came on. We rode our bikes all over the neighborhood and if you were old enough you got to go a little bit further.
On Sunday morning we wore our Sunday Best and we sat still during service. We didn’t dare talk back our parents or any adult for that matter.
When I was a kid we lived two houses down from an appliance store. I can remember we would drag refrigerator boxes back to our yard and play for hours in them. Kids today wouldn’t know what to do with a refrigerator box let alone play with it.
If you are one of the lucky ones and you live in a neighborhood where your child(ren) can go out and play you should enforce it. It’s good for their soul.
Even though I have all these amazing memories I also have some spanked as child memories. But I would be lying if I said they were bad memories.
Too often we hear parents talking about spanked as child memories in a way that make their parents look like abusers. Claiming they are scared emotionally from the spankings.
I will get into why I spank my child here shortly but first I need anyone that is reading this to understand a spanking does not scar you emotionally unless it is a beating. Two very distinctive different things.
Should You Spank Your Child Or Not
Frankly, I feel like children act the way they do today because of us. When we were kids we didn’t have a lot. At least I didn’t. I can remember saying more times than I would like to admit
When I have kids I am going to give them everything I didn’t have.
That right there was the first mistake I made as a parent. The second mistake I made was trying to give my kids everything I didn’t have.
My daughter who is now 22 years old was a great kid growing up like any kid she had her days and happened to be just a little bit more emotional than others.
She didn’t have an extraordinary life because all of her life I struggled to make ends meet. I think this made her grateful for the things she did have.
My son on the other hand, total opposite. Even though we still didn’t have much up until a couple years ago, I would always buy him something when we went to the store. That was another mistake.
When I was a kid we were lucky to get a candy bar at Halloween.
However, here I was pleasing my child in anyway I could just to avoid hearing him cry.
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I don’t know why but I tend to lose my patience, at least I used to, when one of my kids would throw a fit for absolutely no reason.
It is 100% our responsibility to discipline our children when they act up.
Have you ever seen that t.v. show Nanny? You the one with Jo.
If you have never seen the show she suggests you put your child in timeout for however many minutes they are in age.
For example at the time I attempted this discipline my son was 4 years old. That meant he had to sit in timeout for 4 minutes. If he got up then he would have to start over.
Now don’t get me wrong I know parents who this technique worked miracles for. But that’s just it it doesn’t work for everyone. I was that everyone.
After about the tenth time of putting my son back in the chair I would break down and spank him. Yes, I spanked my child. And I don’t regret it.
By the time he was four years old he was out of control. We couldn’t go to the store without him running through the aisles.
He ran so fast with his little legs that it wore me out trying to catch him. It got to the point I would have to take my daughter shopping with me and she would have to chase him or cut him off as he was turning at one of the aisles.
You may be laughing, or not, but either way this was embarrassing. I felt like I was being judged by every single mom in the store along with every other person who didn’t even have kids.
I just knew what they were saying.
If that was my kid, I would…..
The thing is I couldn’t get mad. Why? Because I used to think the same thing and I still do every time I see a kid acting up in public.
How dare we as parents, especially moms, judge others when we know darn well our children are no angels. Nor would we do any of the things we say we would if that was our kid.
Some parents are too afraid to spank their children, especially in public. We are darned if we do and darned if we don’t.
a. Should you spank your child or not?
Honestly, I don’t believe spanking is for every child.
When God made us He made us to be unique. So unique that not everyone should be treated the same when it comes to discipline. At least not for a child.
What worked for my daughter very well did not work on son. If my daughter acted up all I had to do was ground her. Which I think she got grounded maybe three times her entire childhood. She was a pretty good kid and even graduated with honors.
And yes, I spanked her maybe twice.
My son on the other hand was a little terror when he was younger. He is now ten and he has his days.
If you don’t know my story, my son has ADHD, TICS, ANXIETY, and we just found out he rated higher than normal on the autism scale. He could potentially have Asperger’s Syndrome.
However, even with all of these syndromes, I refuse to call them a disability, I spank my child when I feel it is needed.
It is rare but I spank my child. Sometimes it works and sometimes it just makes matters worse. I have come to understand when it is appropriate and when it isn’t.
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Some days I have found that by simply hugging him and holding him tight is what he really needed. But other days, very rarely, spanking is what is needed.
In fact just a couple weeks ago he was having a really bad day. We were sitting at the table and he as doing his homework, of which he did not want to do.
Even though I was helping him he was being extremely mean to me. Back talking isn’t even the right phrase.
If I tell the truth he was being a little demon!
Finally, he had said something or raised his voice one too many times to me and without thinking I smacked him in his mouth.
It happened so fast I didn’t even realize what I had done until after I smacked him. But you know what? Even though I felt like the most horrible parent in the world, it worked.
Even though I could see in is big brown eyes his little heart was hurt; he stopped raising his voice to me and he finished his homework with no more arguing.
It broke my heart probably a little more than it did his. But I have no regrets. If I would have allowed him to keep talking to me the way he was then he would think he can always talk to me like that. Along with any other adult.
If spanking works for your child then yes you should spank your child. I am not saying this is a discipline that should be resorted to every single time but as a parent I believe we know when it is needed.
Is Spanking Biblical
Is spanking Biblical? As a Christian myself I think it is to a degree. Although the Bible never says in words to spank your child, many Christians refer back to Proverbs 23:13 meaning. Which is:
whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Notice the emphasis on “diligent to discipline.” Discipline is not a synonym for spanking, but rather a reference to the parents’ role to teach, guide, correct and love their children. And that is accomplished through a comprehensive set of discipline tools. – Focus On The Family
According to a 2013 Poll, more than half of parents still engage in spanking. It found that 78 percent of U.S. parents think that spanking is sometimes appropriate, and 67 percent say they have spanked their children.
Last year while in a meeting at my son’s school the Nurse asked if we spank. Without thinking twice I said no. Honestly, I don’t even know why I said no.
I am that parent that will discipline my child in the middle of a store and dare someone to say something.
So why did I say no? I don’t know. And probably never will.
Maybe it’s because I felt intimidated. Or maybe it was because I would feel judged.
It could have also been the fact that I am a pretty private person despite sharing most of my failures on the internet with moms just like you.
Everyone gets so offended today over the little things. But one thing I will stand by is the fact that old fashioned discipline methods work!
My parents didn’t always spank me. Sometimes I got grounded. But you know what? Whatever my punishment was my parents stuck it out.
They didn’t give in because I was suddenly acting like an angel. Instead they praised me yet still stuck to the punishment.
When Is Spanking Appropriate?
I spank my child when I feel it is needed and I believe you should spank your child if it is needed too. Of course there are some limits to when spanking should and should not be used.
Spanking may be appropriate when a child is:
- In an extremely unsafe situation – such as running out into traffic.
- Deliberately defiant and disobedient – like talking back and raising their voice.
- Severely disrespectful – disrespecting or harming others.
Spanking is NOT appropriate when a child is:
- Simply being childish – let a kid be a kid.
- Impulsive – my son sometimes makes loud noises but I would never spank him for the outburst. These are a TIC he cannot control.
- Had an accident – spanking during potty training is absolutely out of the question. There are two things you cannot control when it comes to your child. They are eating and going to the bathroom.
The other day I saw on Facebook that some moms were dealing with biting. There toddler was biting other kids and she didn’t know what to do about it.
When another mom chimed in and suggested she bite her daughter back the mom in question became very upset.
I know many will disagree with me but I agree with the mom who said to bite back. How else will they know what they are doing?
Do to others as you would have them do to you. – Luke 6:31
This is exactly how I was raised and how I raise(d) my children. One time when my daughter was younger, maybe eight years old, she stole a check out of my purse. And tried to make a purchase at the Book Fair at school.
When the Principle called me and told me I was embarrassed of course what parent wouldn’t be?
But I also knew it was my responsibility as the parent to correct the incident so that it did not happen again.
After school, I picked my daughter up from the bus stop and acted like everything was fine. We then drove straight to the Police Station where I pulled an Officer aside and explained what happened.
When my daughter came out of that room after speaking with the Police she was in tears. Again my heart was hurting but I knew it was what had to be done.
Needless to say she never stole again.
So, I spank my child when I feel it appropriate. If you want to judge me that is okay because I probably judged you too in the store last week when your kid was acting up.
I could tell you was embarrassed and wasn’t sure how to appropriately handle the situation. But I still judged you for a quick second. And for that I am so sorry.
Sometimes we as moms just need a hug when our kids are acting like little demons. And sometimes our child just needs to be spanked.