Do you yell at your kids? Do You feel guilty afterwards? If you answered yes to either then I am sure you are here because you want to know how to stop yelling at your kids, right? I did too and that is why I embarked on this journey to stop yelling.
Parenting a child with tics can be exhausting. At least it was for me in the very beginning. My son who has Tics and is borderline add/adhd used to be very hard to deal with. We would have screaming matches all the time. Sometimes several times a day.
I would love to say I am a very patient person but I would be fibbing. Patience is one thing our good Lord above did not bless me with. Patience is definitely something I have had to learn over time. And I’m still learning.
I recently wrote a post on Parenting A Child With Tics where I am very open about the screaming matches that used to take place in our home.
It is important to understand every family is different as every child. What may work for one child may not work for another. Messy Motherhood has a great post on How to stop yelling at your kids that I found very helpful.
Again you may find that you will need to tweak whatever advice is given to meet your child’s needs. For my son, I found that I needed to stay calm and be more patient.
Control was also something I had to let go of. Being old fashioned doesn’t always work in the world we currently live in. Children are way more advanced and more…. What is the word I’m looking for? Adulty? Is that even a word?
I’m sure you understand what I am trying to say. Children nowadays are in Adult conversations and watch Adult type movies and less and less is being said about it.
And then parents wonder why their children don’t listen when they do try and put their foot down. It’s because they are being treated like adults not children.
Of course it isn’t always the parents fault either. Sometimes it can be a chemical balance in your child’s brain. Or in my case it was the medicine my son was on.
I’m not saying it was all the medicine but it definitely played a part. I was however, just as much at fault. My son had a very hard time staying asleep or getting to sleep. Not to mention the medicine had a side effect of drowsiness.
Like any child my child is extremely cranky when he is sleepy. Which a lot of the time led to screaming matches. I knew I had to find a way to yelling at my child!
Find Your Triggers
As I mentioned above, every child is different, a discipline technique that works on your oldest child may not work on your youngest.
What is it that your child is doing that sends you over the edge? What is it exactly that makes you yell?
For me it is when my son asks the same question repeatedly expecting a different answer. Or when I have to ask him more than 3 times to do something and he continues to ignore me.
I have absolutely no patience and a zero tolerance for disobedience. Of course this was a huge trigger for me and it’s something I have been working on. More patience and less control.
For my son who has Tics, is borderline add/adhd, and has OCD tends to go off in his own little world. Meaning I can’t ask him to do more than one thing at a time.
Instead of getting frustrated and asking him to brush his teeth and put his shoes on, I have to ask “Please brush your teeth.” Then after and only after he has completed that step I can then ask him to put his shoes on.
Before, asking him to do several things at one time was triggering him to act out by becoming overwhelmed which would then trigger me to yell.
This is why it is important to find your triggers. Both yours and your children. Finding your triggers plays a huge role in how to stop yelling at your kids.
Why Parents Should Stop Yelling at Their Kids
Growing up my mom drank a bit more than she should have. The drinking lead to fights with her boyfriend that sometimes led to physical fights.
Now I’m not saying that all households are like this. I’m simply sharing my own experience.
Even though my parents never yelled directly at me, my mom yelled and screamed at her boyfriend. Now sometimes when she was a little too under the influence she would yell at me and my brother.
Once I was grown and had my own relationship and later my first daughter, I found myself yelling a lot!
I yelled at my husband when I was angry and felt he was listening and I yelled a lot at my daughter.
It was like I had all this anger built up inside of me and the only way I could get rid of it was to yell at my kids or anyone who I felt wasn’t listening. Have you ever heard the saying “Monkey see, Monkey do”? That is exactly what I was doing as an adult.
I grew up seeing and hearing my mom yell so my subconscious automatically retrieved to what it knew best, yelling.
It is no different than a child growing up around parents who are strung out on drugs. They are either going to be junkies themselves when they grow up or they will be completely against it.
Feeling Guilty For Yelling At My Child
Is it crazy that I feel more guilty for yelling at my child than I do when I have to spank my child? Now I know that not all parents especially in this day and age believe in spanking.
Spanking has become taboo to say the least. I however, still spank my children if needed. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. As I have said several times what works for one child may not work for the other.
I won’t however spank my kids after the age of 11 I feel like 12 is too old for a spanking and other disciplines can be taken.
So no, I don’t feel one bit of guilt when I have to spank my son which is NOT very often. However, feeling guilty for yelling at my child is another story!
Feeling guilty isn’t the right word I don’t think. After yelling at my kids I feel horrible! Sometimes I go into the bathroom and cry because I feel horrible.
On many occasions I have found myself praying for strength because I felt so broken and out of control.
The devil was definitely on vacation in our home
Can Yelling At A Child Be Harmful
I am in no way shape or form an expert here but I say yes! Can yelling at a child be harmful? Absolutely!
As I mentioned above yelling at your kids can cause them to grow up and yell at others in relationships, co-workers, teachers, their own kids, or anyone who crosses their path.
It could potentially ruin their life and cause them to be miserable feeling as the entire world is against them.
Of course you could have a child with thick skin and yelling doesn’t phase them a bit. Either way I don’t condone yelling. And this is coming from a mama that yelled a lot! I hope this helps you and learned a bit about how to stop yelling at your kids.
Before I go I want to clear up that as the Bible says there is a time for everything. Which means there is a time for yelling too. Sometimes we might have to yell at our children when they are in danger or talking just isn’t working.
NO one is perfect not even the moms at your child’s school who drive the fancy the cars and dress their kids in ridiculously expensive clothes. They yell at their kids too. Don’t let them fool you. We all get frustrated or aggravated at some point.
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