If you’re here reading this post then you are probably searching how to cope with grief. Before we journey any further into this post I want to make it clear that I am not a doctor nor am I am counselor.
I’m just an everyday woman who loves Jesus, my husband, kids, and life. I fail daily in my Christian walk, however, that alone allows me to share experiences with others like you.
Learning how to cope with grief is something I had to learn on more than one occasion. First when I was 17 years old and again when I had a miscarriage in 2008. A miscarriage that nearly destroyed my relationship with God, but more on that a bit later.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a deep sorrow, trouble, or annoyance. Most people experience grief after a loss. This can be the loss of someone close like a father, mother, spouse, even a child. Some people even have grief after losing a pet or a job.
Grief can manifest from anything one has an attachment to.
The Stages Of Grief
There are 5 stages of grief:
Denial: “This isn’t happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Why God? Why Me?”
Bargaining: “You scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Just make this go away.”
Depression: “I don’t feel like it.”
Acceptance: “I’m ok. I’m at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of the above just know that its normal and you will get through it in time. You may experience one or all. Or none at all. Everyone deals with grief differently.
Symptoms Of Grief And How To Recognize Them
There also 5 symptoms of grief:
Shock or disbelief – After a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened, I know I’ve been there. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though they are gone and never coming back.
Sadness – You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may feel like crying a lot.
Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing you could have done.
Anger – Its normal to be angry and angry you may get. Some people take their anger out on everyone who crosses their path while others may blame themselves. Sometimes God is to blame in ones eyes as well.
Fear – A loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger many fears such as being alone.
What Does The Bible Say About Grief
Grief is something that all of us will experience at some point in our life. Grief can be caused by many things such as a bad break-up, losing someone close, or even the loss of a job.
Galations 6 1- 3 – if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
Whether you are a Christian or not you should seek out counsel if you feel that you are not getting better or if the grief lasts over a period of time. As believers we have hope and our hope is in Jesus.
Examples Of Grief and Bible Verses for Overcoming Grief
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.
After a long time Judah’s wife, the daughter of Shua, died. When Judah had recovered from his grief, he went up to Timnah, to the men who were shearing his sheep, and his friend Hirah the Adullamite went with him.
1 Samuel 1:16
Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow.
Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Effects of Grief
Grief can take a toll on someone physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It can cause you to lose your appetite which can lead to malnutrition.
Emotional effects of grief can cause you to distance yourself from your loved ones. Turn on one another and blame everyone who are not at fault.
Grief can affect you spiritually as well. You may blame God and in many circumstances some have turned their backs on God. Leaving them to feel more alone than ever before.
Here is an article I found helpful by Student Soul on why we should invite Jesus into our grief.
Grief After A Miscarriage
My own battle with grief after a miscarriage was by far the worse grief I ever experienced in my life.
It was horrible. I felt numb yet I had so much anger and pain. My eyes are filling up with tears as I write this because even though I am healed I think deep down inside I am still grieving that miscarriage.
It was really hard for me to deal with. Mostly because I felt so alone. My husband at the time was a real jerk about the whole situation.
While I was miscarrying, I was passing blood clots the size of soft balls. I’m not kidding you they were that big! So big I could feel them dropping in my body before exiting. They were literally coming out before I could get my pants pulled down to sit on the toilet.
Yet my husband at the time could care less. In fact I felt so alone that I left and went to my moms house. I just wanted my mom.
Later that night I managed to drive myself back home where I was greeted by loud music and dancing in my living room. I was so angry!
How dare my husband invite his sister and nieces over to celebrate a birthday when I was in so much pain? After losing a bunch more blood clots and feeling like it was never going to stop; I went to the emergency room.
Once again I felt like no one was hearing me. I wasn’t only grieving but something was wrong I could feel it.
When the ER told me there was nothing they could do they sent me home. Well they tried anyway.
As soon as I stood up from the hospital bed my entire body gave way and I nearly passed out. Knowing something was wrong I immediately grabbed the chair by my bedside. They gave me some fluids and once again sent me on my way.
How To Cope With Grief When Everyone Grieves Differently?
The miscarriage happened on a Saturday and it was Monday morning before I seen my doctor.
My doctor rushed me back to the hospital for a D&C. According to my doctor there was still a lot of pregnancy tissue in my uterus and he needed to get it out.
When I was signing papers for the surgery I was once again crushed by what the form stated I was having done.
A post abortion also known as a D&C.
Just the word abortion alone bothered me. I wasn’t having an abortion. Was there something they weren’t telling me?
I was so heartbroken all I wanted was to be alone. My aunt came over to see me and got upset when I refused to talk. How can someone get upset with you for grieving? I didn’t understand.
All I wanted was to be left alone. Why was that so hard? I just needed a little time to sort things out. Time to stop blaming God. Time to accept that it happened.
I was so angry at God I nearly turned my back on Him. In fact I quit praying and talking to God for awhile after the miscarriage. Looking back I am so grateful that I didn’t.
Some people may need help they may need someone to talk to and that’s ok. For me it was different. I needed to be alone. And that was ok too.
I’m sure everyone has their own solutions on how to cope with grief. In all honesty I don’t believe there is just one way to cope with grief.
Everyone has to deal with grief in their own way. Sometimes we already know that way and sometimes we don’t.
My final thoughts on how to cope with grief is to invite Jesus into your grief. He can change so much just by being there.
It doesn’t matter how much you love Jesus that counts. It’s understanding how much Jesus Loves You.
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