Christians and divorce. Where do I even start? The Bible has many verses on divorce. Just as many as any other subject. Some Christians will be quick to condemn you for even thinking about divorce. I know, I am a twice divorced Christian who experienced this first hand.
In no way am I saying divorce is OK in God’s eyes. However, as a twice divorced Christian I do believe there are some things that are just out of our hands. Things we cannot control.
According to Focus On The Family the divorce rate with in the church is comparable to that of our culture. They also went on to suggest that most Christians see nothing wrong with divorce, at least in their own marriage that is.
You can’t see me but I just gave that “side ways” look. I am very much guilty of this myself. Well, too an extent because I really did try several times to make both of my marriages work. You can’t make someone else do something they don’t want to do.
Besides we are all human and our human emotions can only take so much. Especially if you have been cheated on repeatedly or you were emotionally or even physically abused. There is a line that needs to be drawn.
The Bible Says…
Well the Bible says a lot about divorce. It also says a lot about sex, alcohol, cursing, or wait what about our bodies? Hmm. Last time I checked it was OK to be a Christian, drink alcoholic beverages, cuss a little, oh and have tattoos! Just to name a few.
By gollie when it comes to divorce though you had better do everything you can to make that marriage work because God doesn’t like divorce. Well, He doesn’t like drunkards, sexual immorality, or liars either. But somehow divorce has managed to make its way to the top of the “no no’s” list.
Honestly, we all fall short of the glory of God no matter what we do. We are human and God knows that. He made us after all. In fact He knows us before we are even born. Which means He already knows how many times if any we will become divorced.
Christians and Divorce and Everything Else
The first time I got divorced it was because my husband cheated on me multiple times. The first time was with his ex girlfriend. The second time was with my best friend. The third time I didn’t know the girl. And the other times well I found out about them after we were divorced.
I once heard that a Christian woman should give her husband sex even when she doesn’t feel in the mood. It is said that this will keep him happy and less likely to go astray.
Again you can’t see me but I just gave the “side ways” look, again. Only because when I was married to my first husband we were young and sex was a must for the both of us. So, you can’t tell me giving it up every time your husband wants it will keep him in line.
If he wants to go out on you he is gonna go out on you. Same goes for the wife who cheats on her husband.
Related Post: Is Forgiving And Forgetting Really Possible
My second husband, well he was a cheater, a liar, a verbal abuser, and so much more. I can’t fully blame him for the divorce even though he did cheat and verbally abuse me many times over.
You see, I didn’t even love him. I only married him because I was in a bad place in my life and he just happened to be my escape goat. Biggest mistake I ever made.
As much as I love my son, if I could go back in time that is the one thing I would change. Never would I have married him.
Going Against The Church
When my second marriage came to an end there was nothing more I could do. I had tried to make it work several times. There really is only so much a person can do or take. Especially verbal / mental abuse.
Which brings me to the question “When is divorce okay?” 1st Corinthians 7:15 says:
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
My first husband wanted a divorce. If he didn’t, he never would have cheated, right? He even left me and moved in with my so-called best friend. We had a 9 month old baby.
My second husband, whom I did not love but attempted to try and love on several occasions, left me for another woman. Actually he had his mom take him to Chicago (five hours away) to see her for the weekend.
I accidentally figured it out. He later married her. And she ended up divorcing him for cheating on her. That and she thought he had a bunch of money that he didn’t really have.
Some say KARMA – I say GOD.
Truth be told I am the one that filed for divorce in both marriages. If I hadn’t I would probably still be married to the first husband but we would not be together.
The same is true for my second marriage. However, my second husband went with me to file for the divorce. Because that is what my church said to do. To let him file.
Once we got to the court house to file papers the clerk handed me the papers and said I needed to file since I was requesting custodial custody of our son.
Did this put me in the wrong? Should I have refused? How would you have handled that situation?
Hey Shauna, good read. I am currently in my second marriage. We have been married for 14 months and my husband has moved out for the 6th time. This was the first time I have told him to leave. We both claim to be Christians, this is actually the reason I fell in love with him. But when he leaves he will leave for weeks or months at a time. He has blocked my phone number and me on all forms of social media. He even had a house in town and I don’t know where it is. He is 7 years younger than me, I’m his first marriage. He came from a past with a lot of trauma. I didn’t want to get married when we did, I had only been divorced for a year from my 1st husband, but I was given an ultimatum. I’m hindsight I should have just let him walk but I agreed to get married quickly. I left my church for 12 years to attend his, where I was never given a fair chance. He was literally raised in the church and because I wasn’t their standard for him, I was never treated the same. I started seeing a Christian therapist about 9 months ago. We covered a lot of personal things within me. He has left 3 times since I started there. We have sought counseling from 3 couples in the church, but he will not see a licensed professional. I do not see our problems are marriage ending. We are literally still learning each other. He left for a month and a half this last spring and I stood. Firm. I prayed for restoration, I fasted, I was rock bottom and really learned to rest in our Father. It just seems we cannot get past the same obstacles. Every fight he thinks is the end all be all of us. He’s quite immature. He has now been gone a week and I’ve only cried twice. Shauna, I feel relief. I feel peace. He’s been gone almost as much as he has been here. I do not feel that I want to pray for restoration. I have been doing that for a year now. I don’t even know that I “love” him. My only want to honor God. And in this situation I don’t know what that looks like. I know God does not want me to divorce but this is a level of abuse. It’s physiological warfare. This is not a walk God intended for me to walk in. I am so afraid of going and filing and disappointing my Father. Should I have tried more? I have done so much, is my feeling of wanting to keep trying a reaction to this trauma? I know I can go file and get on my prayer horse for Hod to intervene if this is a very wrong decision, but I know God isn’t going to tell me to divorce. I’m just confused. And hurt. It’s so sad that I’m used to this. There’s no shock factor, there’s no longing anymore. I guess maybe I was done a long time ago and now I’m at peace with this? I’m not sure. Did you have guilt after your divorce? Did you ever feel like you made a mistake?
Hi Britt,
First I want to say how sorry I am you are going through this. Please keep in mind that I am not a Pastor. However, I am a God-Fearing Christian who loves Jesus dearly. To answer your questions I did not in any way feel guilty if anything I felt so much relief! And as far as ever feeling like I did the wrong thing….not at all. I still have no regrets to this day. In fact the only regret I have is marrying him. The marriage was a Flesh Marriage not a Godly Marriage. That was the my first mistake. My second mistake was accepting his ultimatum. I should have walked away just as you probably should have. But please don’t beat yourself over that. This how we learn. We learn from our mistakes. I believe God doesn’t want his Children in a marriage that isn’t suitable or evenly yoked. I will keep you in my prayers that whatever choice you make you are comfortable with and know in your heart God has your back. I love you Britt and I will be praying for you. Please stay in touch!
I read your post and I know what you mean. Christians are the only army that shoots its wounded. I too have been divorced twice. My first husband left me after 28 years then like you was in a bad place and married someone I shouldn’t have but learned that I had cancer and lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and just didn’t want to die alone. It has taken me 10 years to realize he was in my life for a reason and my first husband was out for a reason. So I am sure you could probably say the same. God works in mysterious ways and divorce is wrong but God can and does use it to his glory.