For many Christians sex is often a bump in the road when attempting to fulfill their sexual needs. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage.
A lot of people especially non-believers think that Christians automatically assume sex is bad and is against it. That is far from the truth.
The Bible teaches us that Christian sex is a beautiful thing between a husband and his wife. In-fact sex isn’t just about making babies.
However, there are obstacles as in any marriage. Keep in mind that all marriages are different. What might work in someone else’s marriage may not work in yours. Communication is key to any successful marriage especially when it comes to sex.
7 Christian Sex Barriers
1 – Talking very little with your spouse about your preferences.
When couples can share their sexual preferences with their spouse, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level.
A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have Christian sex, and even times of the day or specific days.
Get to know one another and what one another likes and dislikes.
2 – Not knowing what God says about sex.
The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex, Christian sex, (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be “fruitful and multiply”, and then commented “it was good” (Genesis 1:31.)
Many Christians believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable.
3 – Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment.
Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. 1st Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us.
It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.
If your spouse just isn’t in the mood then you need to respect that. We are human and we can easily become exhausted.
4 – Failure to plan.
Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency.
Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment.
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Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.
5 – Using sex as a reward or punishment.
Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other.
Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful.
Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.
6 – Unresolved sexual abuse issues
Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past.
For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope.
7 – Pornography.
The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. You just can’t have a good Christian sex life with pornography involved.
Images are burned into a person’s mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree.
Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.
Sex Confessions Of A Baptist
In my own marriage 3 of the 7 have played a role on more than one occasion. Number 1, talking very little with your spouse about your preferences. This was definitely a big issue for us in the beginning.
Surprisingly it wasn’t me with the problem it was my husband. He had a hard time in the beginning telling me what he liked and disliked.
For me the words just seemed to fall out of my mouth when I was disappointed. Of-course, you should always take your spouses feelings into consideration when discussing such topics. Men have feelings and insecurities too! This was something I had to learn.
Failure to plan. Oh my this one should be number 1 for us! I am off Thursdays and Fridays. My husband is off Saturdays and Sundays. We are in bed by 9 and up by 4 regardless if we have to work or not.
Therefore, making love is not always happening in our bed. It is normal to go 2 weeks sometimes. Frustrations begin to build up and that isn’t always a good thing.
Another issue or at least used to be an issue in the beginning is using sex as a reward or punishment. I’m sure you guessed it I was the one using it and not as a reward.
When I get upset or mad I shut down. I don’t want to talk to anyone or even look at anyone. This is something that I have been working on. After all make-up sex is sometimes the best.
Not that you should always be having make-up sex with your husband that would mean you are fighting a lot and that isn’t healthy for any relationship.
We are still learning as we go. And now that you know the 7 Barriers to Christian Sex you too can work on your sex life.
If you haven’t had sex with your spouse lately then close this browser and go drag them to bed! Only if they are willing of-course 😉