The Christian bedroom and sexual fantasies; what is okay and what isn’t okay? One thing Christians often stay hush hush about is the topic of sex.
This is something I never really understood considering God intended sexual relations between husband and wife to be a bonding format that helps us to grow closer together.
In today’s society sex is being abused and manipulated. In a sense, many are even mocking God when it comes to their own sexual desires and actions. But where do Christians stand in all this?
Honestly, there are more Christians causing adultery than ever before. More and more Christians stay confused on the topic of sex because they were not taught about healthy Christian sex.
One purpose of sex is to make and have babies. Unfortunately, many Christians, especially wives, get hung up on this and somehow believe this is the only reason we should have sex with our husband.
This just isn’t true. Of-course, I too used to believe this as well. I can remember feeling guilty once for enjoying an orgasm.
However, God intended sex to be a beautiful thing between man and woman; husband and wife. The devil, as always, has taken something so precious and turned it around to benefit him.
STD’s and HIV are on the rise because of same sex and non-marriage activities. If you are going to sin you will pay the consequences. That is exactly what STD’s are, consequences.
So, what do we do as husband and wife if we have sexual fantasies? Do we fulfill those fantasies in the Christian bedroom?
Fantasy In A Marriage
Fantasy in a marriage in the Christian bedroom. Is this okay? Or is this taboo? Again way too many Christians get caught up in this and instead of talking about it emotions get bottled up.
When we bottle our emotions up they tend to build and build until they have no more room to build. This is how adultery starts. It starts with a need that is not being fulfilled and then moves onto our thoughts which more often than not become a reality.
a. What Does The Bible Say About Sex In Marriage
Live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. – 1 Peter 3:7
Desiring God has an article on this same subject and they translate this verse into the following:
“Each one of you should know how to possess [or have] a wife in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God,”
I think that too often women are expected to be submissive like slaves to their husbands as Christians. At least that is how non-believers often explain it.
This neither is true. Yes, the husband is the head of the household, however, I also believe God wants us to honor one another in a holy way.
Which brings us back to the question is fantasy in the Christian Bedroom okay? Absolutely!
As long as neither the husband nor the wife are taking advantage of the situation. After all we are human and our thoughts can easily get carried away if we allow them to.
It is also important not to cross boundaries in the Christian bedroom. This means not forcing the other to do something they are not comfortable with.
Fantasies in the Christian bedroom can be extremely healthy for Christians and their relationship if fantasized with caution.
b. Christian Sex Rules
Christian sex rules are actually pretty simple. In fact many Christians probably don’t even realize just how simple they are.
Never bring pornography into the Christian bedroom or your life for that matter. Pornography ties into adultery and in a sense your inviting someone else into your bedroom and marriage.
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Only a husband and his wife are to be in the Christian bedroom.
Absolutely no rape, incest, or Pedophilia or anything of the sort. That’s it! And of-course you are to show one another honor and fulfill your marital duties as it states in 1st Corinthians 7:3:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
c. Is Fantasizing About Your Spouse A Sin
But wait, is fantasizing about your spouse a sin? No, I don’t believe it is. Some will argue that the Bible talks about chasing fantasies and they should stay out of the Christian bedroom.
But honestly I disagree and I believe it is healthy for a Christian marriage.
I fantasize about my husband almost daily.
As a woman who has had a complete hysterectomy it is sometimes hard for me to get aroused when my husband is in the mood.
But by simply thinking of him throughout the day helps me to become more aroused when we are in the bedroom. And it reminds me of all the reasons I love him so much.
Of-course, we don’t have sex as much as we would like but we do our best to satisfy one another. Both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom.
d. Is It A Sin To Fantasize About Someone
Is it a sin to fantasize about someone other than your spouse? Absolutely! The Bible is very clear on this. In Hebrews 13:4 the Bible says the following:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Again this can easily be taken out of context. Many Christians believe that this means sex in the Christian bedroom is to make babies. Others believe this means you cannot have an orgasm with your husband or wife or should you enjoy Christian sex at all.
When the Bible says the marriage bed should be kept pure I believe this means no outsiders. If you are fantasizing about someone other than your spouse then how could you possibly keep the Christian bedroom pure?
You can’t! Because in God’s eyes you would be committing adultery. Thinking of someone else while in bed or out of bed is a sin and it is nothing other than adultery. So, yes, it is a sin to fantasize about someone other than your spouse.
As far as the Christian bedroom and sexual fantasies goes I say explore one another. You will be surprised to discover what one another likes and dislikes. Be open to trying new things you may even discover you like some things that you previously discarded.
Share your fantasies with another and be honest if something makes you uncomfortable.
Is Oral Sex Okay In The Christian Bedroom
Besides the fact that many enjoy oral sex I think it is safe to say it is okay with God. Here is a verse that is believed to support this theory:
Awake, O north wind, And come, O south! Blow upon my garden, That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits. – Song of Songs 4:16
Again, God intended for sex to be more than just making babies.
The Christian Bedroom and Anal Sex
This is a touchy topic. In-fact I’m not sure I should even speak on this topic. Personally I don’t care for anal sex but I know many Christians who disagree on this and would argue that it is and can be satisfying.
Just because one couple likes something and another couple doesn’t, does not make it good or bad in God’s eyes. For many, husband and wife, anal sex is very much pleasing to both.
When we participate in a sexual activity with our husband it should be enjoyable for both not just one or the other.
My own personal opinion, and that’s all it is is an opinion, is if you enjoy anal sex with your husband then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as you are being safe.
Maybe this is why so many Christians are so fast to throw the idea out because it can be unsafe. However, if you enjoy it then what is the harm?
God did not make us all alike. He made us as individuals. Some like pizza and some despise it. Who are we to say anal sex is out of the question because we don’t care for it?
It also important not to throw the idea of anal sex in the Christian bedroom out because of the reputation it has gotten from the gay community.
Sex Toys In The Christian Bedroom
Are sex toys allowed in the Christian bedroom? Well for starters if they aren’t allowed then I know many Christians who are sinning including myself.
Like I mentioned earlier as a woman who has had a full hysterectomy it is sometimes hard to reach that place.Sometimes it is weeks of having sex with my husband before I have an orgasm which makes it very difficult to get in the mood sometimes.
Therefore, I do believe sex toys in the Christian bedroom are okay as long as you and your spouse are using them together. I could be wrong but I believe when we turn to toys for a substitute is when God looks down on them.
For example, you are married but you only use sex toys for your own satisfaction. To me this is dishonoring your spouse.
The same goes for masturbation. Of which is also a very touchy topic that many do not want to talk about.
If you are masturbating outside of the bedroom when your spouse is not around then yes I do believe this is sin. God gave us our husbands for pleasure. And vice versa.
If your husband isn’t pleasing you then this is something that needs to be discussed in a way so that no one feels attacked. Sometimes it is especially hard for a man to hear he isn’t pleasing his wife.
Of-course this is where sex toys can come into play as long as both the husband and wife are okay with it and they are being used together.