Being submissive to your husband is something that seems to raise eye brows now a days. Is this because being submissive to our husbands has become taboo? It seems that way.
Being submissive according to Dictionary.com means to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.
I don’t know about you but I personally have an authority problem. Even as a kid I hated being told what to do.
Not sure why. Maybe its just my personality type. Whatever the reason it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.
Although there can be many reasons that play into why being submissive is hard for you there are 2 reasons I believe play a huge role in most our lives.
Before I get into what those reasons are I think it is important that we all understand that being submissive does NOT mean we have to bow down to our husbands every command.
The Bible talks a lot about wives being submissive to their husbands but I honestly think a lot of it is taking out of context. But that is just my opinion.
Then again are we going against God by not being submissive? It isn’t like we can argue that being submissive is an Old Testament law. Being submissive to our husbands is talked about all through out the Bible; Old and New Testaments.
2 Reasons Being Submissive To Your Husband May Be Hard
There are two common reasons being a submissive wife may be hard for you. At least these are the 2 reasons that best relate to most.
- Childhood Memory or Trauma
Control is when we want to be dominate the situation, person, or outcome.
A childhood memory or trauma can be anything from abuse to neglect.
It could even be something you witnessed like myself. And it doesn’t always have to be from a childhood.
Lots of adults experience trauma that causes problems years down the road.
Regardless of what the problem is being submissive to your husband is something that isn’t talked about much in church anymore.
I can remember being a kid watching the Pastor preach with such heart that it almost scared me.
His voice would raise at times so high it sounded like he was yelling. Other times his hand would hit the podium so hard it would wake you if you were asleep at home in your bed.
I think that is why it took me so long to find a church home. I needed a Pastor that preached straight from the Bible whether I liked it or not. Which is absolutely crazy considering I have problems with authority.
My Own Submissive Confessions
Being a submissive wife is something that lies dormant in my marriage. I will be the first to admit I have a control problem. And it isn’t with just my marriage but all areas of my life. My kids, my career, and yes my finances.
Control is something that I have dealt with since I was probably a toddler maybe younger. Being independent most of my life makes it hard to allow someone else to be in control.
I know so many women who work hard and then hand their checks over to their husband (or boyfriend).
Not going to lie, I do some heavy judging, only because I just don’t understand why they would do such a thing.
Maybe it is because I was single for so long and I got so used to paying my own bills and providing for me and my children. Even during my second marriage it was like I was single.
Whatever the underlining issue is it all comes back to control. Something I am having a hard time letting go of.
Childhood Memory or Trauma?
I don’t really know if I would call my childhood memories a trauma or not. However, I do believe my childhood has a lot to do with me not being submissive.
My parents divorced when I was very young. Probably 2 or 3 years old. I would go and visit them on the weekends until I officially lived with my dad at the age 8 when he married my step-mom. My aunt and uncle took care of me until then.
There were several weekends when I visited my mom I seen things no child should ever witness. There is one particular weekend I will never forget.
I was so young I only remember bits and pieces of the weekend which is more than I care to remember.
My moms boyfriend, at the time, boarded all the windows up and nailed the front and back door shut. He then held us hostage on the second floor of the public housing apartment.
Yes, I said hostage, because I can remember his mom banging on the front door screaming and crying begging him to let us go.
Me and my brother scooted as far back on the king size bed as we could until we could go no further. My mom was in the chair beside the bed. Her arms were tied down on each side to the wooden chair arms.
Honestly I can’t remember if he had her gagged or not. Sometimes our mind remembers things that didn’t really happen.
He did however tell my brother and me that if we cried he would cut her throat in front of us with the butcher knife he was holding in his hand.
I don’t think I will ever be able to forget that moment in time.
Do you know how hard it is not to cry in a moment like that?
Over the years I became immune to the beatings my mom received. Instead of crying I was too busy trying to save her by calling for help or hiding my brother because he snapped out too.
For reasons like that it is hard for me to be submissive to my husband. In fact for the longest time I was single because I hated men.
Trust was a huge problem for me and it even caused a riff in my relationship with God. How could I trust God if I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be? Or even how it was all going to work out.
How could I give all control to Him? And how can He expect me to be submissive to my husband after all I have seen?
Of course these are things that my husband and I talked about before marriage.
Being submissive was never an issue for my husband. He has always respected and loved me just the way I am.
But is it okay with God even though it is okay with my husband that I’m not a submissive wife?
Well, the Bible does say women should be quiet in church yet we teach and in some cases preach. So, what’s right and what’s wrong?
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